Monday, January 31, 2005
A Traveshamockery
Here's an email I, along with many others, recieved from Jeff:
To all my brothers and sisters of Ann Arbor,I decided to back Jeff up, and submitted this comment (limited to 250 words!) to tacobell.com:
As you may well know, today, January 31st, is my birthday. On one's birthday,
there are certain truths to be held self-evident, certain inalienable rights
that are to be cherished and celebrated like those spoken of by our forefathers
in the events leading up to the American Revolution. One of these such rights
was five dollars worth of free Taco Bell upon the presentation of a valid ID.
Brothers and sisters, the Taco Bell birthday gratuity is no more. I cannot
think of one instance since the end of the Holocaust, all those sixty years go,
where our Basic Human Rights have been so senselessly and maliciously
disregarded. A couple of minutes ago, I sent this comment to the people at
www.tacobell.com:
"I am severely disappointed to learn that you have discontinued the five dollar
birthday gratuity. I have enjoyed the fast, friendly service of the Stadium
Boulevard Taco Bell for over two years, and have twice taken advantage of what
I took to be a form of the sincerest hospitality on the part of your company. I
came in today with no money at all, expecting surely to be received with
enthusiasm and congratulated by your caring and interested staff, but instead
had to experience the shame and guilt that comes with begging one's friend to
pay for his meal. And on my birthday, nonetheless. Shame on you, Taco Bell.
I attend the University of Michigan, which, as you may know, is one of the most
academically challenging schools in the nation. As such, it is also one of the
most expensive schools in the nation. Though I have a part-time job, money is
still tight for me. It was a good feeling to know that there was at least one
day a year when I didn't have to worry about paying for food, that I could rely
on Taco Bell for a delicious, fast, and fresh meal. I had faith in Taco Bell.
Today, that faith was dashed.
Your commercials urge consumers to think outside the bun. I, as a consumer,
urge you to think outside the bottom line and reinstate the five dollar
birthday gratuity."
If we work together, friends, we can force change. Bob Wolfer and Will Yates,
for instance, are currently interning for members of our state legislature. I
urge them to go to their respective representatives and notify them of this
horrifying breach of Human Rights. And the rest of you, I urge you to write
Taco Bell and encourage them to reconsider their rash and harsh decision to
take away that five dollars to which we are entitled. Even a quick phone call
will suffice. Taco Bell can be reached at 1-800-TAC-OBEL.
And I encourage you also, friends and kind spirits, to send this email to
everyone you can think of, so that the news of this atrocity spreads like
wildfire all across the great globe. The masses will rise up, and we will have
our due!
Thank you all, and Godspeed,
Your humble servant,
Jeffrey A. Pickell
Today I was hoping to save some cash and go to work just a little bit hungry. But when my good friend Jeff came to me and said that he planned to visit your restaurant and collect the $5-worth of Mexican food Taco Bell so kindly gives those celebrating their birthdays (as he is today), I decided I would think outside the bun that was my financial plan and accompany him. Little did I know that by the time I left the store, my plans to save cash would not have simply been compromised, they would have been utterly destroyed.
To make a short story under 250 words, Jeff and I were disappointed to learn that Taco Bell no longer gives $5 of free food to those celebrating their birthday- not even frequent, loyal customers like Jeff! We were dismayed at this fact, especially given that Jeff, who appreciates the low-cost options available at Taco Bell and had not intended to order more than $5 worth of food, had not brought any money with him! This meant that I had to pay for Jeff's food so that my friend would not be left hungry (hungry in a restaurant!). With Jeff's food added to the already very (overly?) expensive cost of a Chicken Enchilada Grilled Stuft Burrito Combo, I spent $11, considerably more than I had planned on spending before this ordeal began. Your cost-effective new policy improves the bottom line at the expense of your loyal customers.
