RockOut Mix CD

To all my brothers and sisters of Ann Arbor,



As you may well know, today, January 31st, is my birthday.  On one's birthday,

there are certain truths to be held self-evident, certain inalienable rights

that are to be cherished and celebrated like those spoken of by our forefathers

in the events leading up to the American Revolution.  One of these such rights

was five dollars worth of free Taco Bell upon the presentation of a valid ID.

Brothers and sisters, the Taco Bell birthday gratuity is no more.  I cannot

think of one instance since the end of the Holocaust, all those sixty years go,

where our Basic Human Rights have been so senselessly and maliciously

disregarded.  A couple of minutes ago, I sent this comment to the people at

www.tacobell.com:



"I am severely disappointed to learn that you have discontinued the five dollar

birthday gratuity.  I have enjoyed the fast, friendly service of the Stadium

Boulevard Taco Bell for over two years, and have twice taken advantage of what

I took to be a form of the sincerest hospitality on the part of your company. I

came in today with no money at all, expecting surely to be received with

enthusiasm and congratulated by your caring and interested staff, but instead

had to experience the shame and guilt that comes with begging one's friend to

pay for his meal.  And on my birthday, nonetheless.  Shame on you, Taco Bell.



I attend the University of Michigan, which, as you may know, is one of the most

academically challenging schools in the nation.  As such, it is also one of the

most expensive schools in the nation.  Though I have a part-time job, money is

still tight for me.  It was a good feeling to know that there was at least one

day a year when I didn't have to worry about paying for food, that I could rely

on Taco Bell for a delicious, fast, and fresh meal.  I had faith in Taco Bell.

Today, that faith was dashed.



Your commercials urge consumers to think outside the bun.  I, as a consumer,

urge you to think outside the bottom line and reinstate the five dollar

birthday gratuity."



If we work together, friends, we can force change.  Bob Wolfer and Will Yates,

for instance, are currently interning for members of our state legislature.  I

urge them to go to their respective representatives and notify them of this

horrifying breach of Human Rights.  And the rest of you, I urge you to write

Taco Bell and encourage them to reconsider their rash and harsh decision to

take away that five dollars to which we are entitled.  Even a quick phone call

will suffice.  Taco Bell can be reached at 1-800-TAC-OBEL.



And I encourage you also, friends and kind spirits, to send this email to

everyone you can think of, so that the news of this atrocity spreads like

wildfire all across the great globe.  The masses will rise up, and we will have

our due!



Thank you all, and Godspeed,

Your humble servant,



Jeffrey A. Pickell

Today I was hoping to save some cash and go to work just a little bit hungry. But when my good friend Jeff came to me and said that he planned to visit your restaurant and collect the $5-worth of Mexican food Taco Bell so kindly gives those celebrating their birthdays (as he is today), I decided I would think outside the bun that was my financial plan and accompany him. Little did I know that by the time I left the store, my plans to save cash would not have simply been compromised, they would have been utterly destroyed.

To make a short story under 250 words, Jeff and I were disappointed to learn that Taco Bell no longer gives $5 of free food to those celebrating their birthday- not even frequent, loyal customers like Jeff! We were dismayed at this fact, especially given that Jeff, who appreciates the low-cost options available at Taco Bell and had not intended to order more than $5 worth of food, had not brought any money with him! This meant that I had to pay for Jeff's food so that my friend would not be left hungry (hungry in a restaurant!). With Jeff's food added to the already very (overly?) expensive cost of a Chicken Enchilada Grilled Stuft Burrito Combo, I spent $11, considerably more than I had planned on spending before this ordeal began. Your cost-effective new policy improves the bottom line at the expense of your loyal customers.

# posted by Pat Mobley : 6:34 PM |

My sister had a link to a great webpage in her AIM profile. I've decided to write a little bit about it instead of working on the research paper I desperately need to finish.

The Link In Question

If you've clicked the link and perused the page, you've noticed that it is a hilarious rant by a fundamentalist Christian. It starts out discussing "evolutionist propaganda" on PBS, but eventually moves to constructing a theory about how Macintosh computers are part of a satanic dark empire or some such nonsense. Really quite remarkable.

I really love the language he uses. Phrases like "forces of darkness" and "anti-Christian hate literature" make me giggle. Another great thing to look for is his use of words like "clearly" and "obviously" before outlandish statements. It's hard to argue with the fact that Apple's logo "is clearly a reference to the Fall, when Adam and Eve were tempted with an apple by the serpent," isn't it? It's also humorous the way he portrays the Apple Coproration as some sort of marginalized, insidious force working behind the scenes of society to advance their "evolutionist" and "satanist" (same thing, of course) agenda. I mean, I'm not a big fan of Macs either, but it's because I can't get over the one-button mouse, not because "[t]hey're not doing a very good job keeping their ties to the forces of darkness a secret," which is why Dr. Richard Paley sticks with his trusty PC, which was, of course, created by God the Father Himself. After reading his persuasive piece of scholarship (what you write has to be scholarship if you're a doctor, right?), however, I'm starting to think the liberals here at Michigan must have ulterior motives for all of those Macs in the Angell Hall computer lab. Apple computers do, after all, "promote Godless Darwinism and Communism."

I'm not sure if there's a point to all of this. I guess it would just be that this guy is a loon.

# posted by Pat Mobley : 10:29 AM |